Saturday, July 13, 2013

Retreat Oops

How does Life seep in so quickly and quietly?

I came on Retreat for some quiet, some rest, some time to work on some long-neglected areas of My Self.  To re-envision my life, my self, my family.

And I ended up bring a chunk of my life with me, and working on everything else except what I came here to work on.

It wasn’t intentional.  And I truly believed I was doing “good” for myself by engaging in activities that I enjoy and find fulfilling.

But, it was the same old stuff, the same old patterns that led me to need to go on Retreat.

I spent some time picking blueberries today.  The first time I’ve ever picked blueberries, believe it or not.  But, instead of being mindful and present and thinking about picking blueberries, I was thinking about the best way to blog about picking blueberries.  Even though I kept gently reminding myself to come back to the present experience, the Writer Voice kept kicking in, again and again and again.  By the end of the picking session, I had finally managed to settle my mind a bit and enjoy what I was doing as I was doing it.  But it took almost and hour and a half.  Silly, isn’t it?

I did the same thing with editing.  I thought, “This is something that I’m really going to enjoy, so it’s a good thing to bring along.”  Not.  I allowed myself to get completely wrapped up not only in the editing process, but in research on editing, considering how to create a business as an editor, setting up an editing blog, writing blogs posts, searching for a support network of blogs, and just about anything else you can imagine.

Instead of being fully present where I am, thinking about my life, resting and refreshing.

How do we let ourselves fall back into the comfortable, old patterns so easily?  How did I allow myself to bring unintentional stress to my Retreat?

Well, I wrapped up what I was in the middle of, sent a note to my author, took a walk, and am determined to now unplug as much as possible.  I will probably post some nice pictures I took today, especially the ones of my walk.  But, I will resist as much as possible the urge to sit down at my laptop and “look up just one thing”.  I have plenty of novels available to me, plenty of free time to write in my journal, plenty of household tasks to mindfully engage in, and plenty of lovely outside to enjoy.

If I can just bring myself to do it.

Wish me luck.

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