Saturday, June 27, 2009

Where ARE Those Darned Kitchen Elves When You Need Them?!?

Remember the story of the cobbler who left out materials for some new shoes one night, and next morning awoke to find his work done for him? So, next night he leaves out more materials, and VIOLA!, the work is done next morning? This continues for a while, until one night (undoubtedly egged on by his wife, the female ALWAYS being the trouble-maker in all traditional fairy tales), he stays up late and peeks into the shop to see what’s going on. The moment he spies the tiny little helpers, they disappear, never to be seen again. Back to assembling shoes the old-fashioned way. I distinctly remember watching the not-so-slickly-produced film in elementary school (I seem to remember crude stop-motion and clay figures), and I’m pretty sure it’s considered a “staple” fable (I’ll have to check my copy of The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy to verify that).

So, anyway, I’ve been leaving out unwashed dishes for a while now, absolutely certain that the Kitchen Elves will pay me a visit, wash up all those dishes (especially the cooking pans left to “soak” in cold, greasy water, because that makes them SOOOO much easier to clean), and I’ll walk downstairs to an immaculately clean, tidy kitchen when I drag myself out of bed to make breakfast in the morning. I’m still waiting for the little buggers to show.

I’ve tried leaving out enticements. An apple core on the counter. Not-quite-finished-off ice cream bowl in the sink (intentionally NOT left immersed in the pan of cold, greasy water, ‘cause who wants to slurp up THAT?). I’ve even left the compost container’s lid partially askew, thinking they might like the dried out egg shells and moldy strawberries. I mean, how picky can a Kitchen Elf be?

So, here I am. Waiting patiently. And, they’re not coming. They’re leaving ME with this mess, created by my insistence on COOKING three meals a day. After all, when you’re homeschooling three kids, and have hubby working from home, and caring for a child with an LD AND diabetes, and are a wanna-be health-nut who is intrinsically suspicious of all processed and non-organic food-like products, what else do you have to do with your “free” time besides cook three full meals per day? Plus snacks. And, wash and rinse and load and run and unload dishes a couple of times a day?

So, here I am. Waiting patiently. And, they’re not coming. Maybe some of my pagan friends can send a few Kitchen Elves my way. Pleeeeese?!? And, while you're at it, put in a good work for me with the Laundry Elves.

1 comment:

  1. Too funny! I feel your pain! Damn elves - I, too, have been waiting since at least 1995 for them.

    We have the little golden book of the elves and the shoemaker. once they spy the elves, they make them a tiny set of clothes - complete with boots and hats and set them out. When the elves come that night and find the clothes they dance out the door never to return. But the shoemaker and his wife, who repaid kindness with kindness, never wanted for anything again. (I think some of that is a direct quote from my withered brain).